I have never enjoyed cooking. I am dreadful at multitasking at the best of times, and cooking needs you to have about 40 timers going all the time, and a complete awareness of everything and that's just not me. I'm a focus guy. Cooking doesn't work in my head (I am very happy to deride Masterchef contestants though!).

Breakfast, though. I like breakfast. And sandwiches. I can still overcook an omelette, it's just that it's so drowned in cheese and chilli sauce that you wouldn't notice. I love just grabbing a load of stuff from the fridge, sticking it in a pan, then stacking it on a bagel and calling that a meal. This, for instance, has leftover fried onions on it. Why do we even have leftover fried onions? I guess I'm glad we do, but that doesn't mean I'm less confused.