It's a specific type of film that draws you in for three hours, then you have to spend half a day thinking about what it's actually about. Like I know what happens in the story, but what does that mean? And I usually rate my ability to understand this sort of thing fairly well but there's big gaps here for me.

So on the surface, this is a film about a man who can't deal with death, but is forced up close with some very big deaths. Rather than process the death of his daughter, he and his wife shut down emotionally. She communicates with him via their sex life, otherwise doling out platitudes in an emotionally numb deadpan. He doesn't communicate with her at all, other than to repeat what she's said back to her.

But I think a more zoomed-out view of this film makes it more about the damage we do to ourselves in ignoring things that make us sad, or the things we really want but feel like are unattainable, or things that make us feel shame or regret. In the parts of our lives we drape a sheet over and hope no-one mentions, but also we're unconsciously drawn to in a purely self-destructive way, and about how we use the fallout from that behaviour as a wall around our real pain so we don't have to talk about it or deal with it, or an excuse for why we failed. It's really fucked up and a lot of this hits me very hard to write about, even as writing this now serves to understand what I've seen a bit better.

But I think I need more time with Uncle Vanya. I only know about it what I saw in Drive My Car, and I suppose there's a literal subtext here (i.e there's a reason it's Uncle Vanya and not some other play, because of its story) and a figurative one (i.e the acting out of the film in different languages at the same time serving as a metaphor for how we all run our lives in our own little worlds, speaking on cue regardless of what's been said before, but there's real moments of joy in making a real connection with someone else through all that mess). But I can't bring it around to be anything other than me projecting my own struggles with relationships, communication, and understanding why I do the things I do when I don't really feel in control of them. 

I suppose what I'm saying is, if you like films that make you think and feel, and think about what you feel, then this would be a great film for you. But if you like something with a strong narrative and a satisfying conclusion then avoid it. I personally found it very beautiful, and it has made me think about a lot of things, and will probably continue to. And I suppose I'll have to read Chekov, which I've never done.