an easy guide to dog ownership

So, apparently having a dog in public is basically equal to walking down the street with the dog and a sign that says "please give me advice on how to look after my dog". I have, therefore, devised a simple way for strangers to remember whether or not I give a fuck about what they have to say:

If you have a receipt for the lead that is connecting my hand to my dog, I care about your opinion. If he's pleased to see you every time he can see you, and stresses out every time you're even slightly out of his line of vision, let's talk. If you're some nosey fucking douche who disapproves of me using the only method (of about 5 or 6) that has actually worked to get him to walk sensibly on his lead, that he doesn't seem to mind at all (and oddly actually seems to appreciate the direction), then mind your own fucking business, or prepare for me to rant at you quite a bit.

Thanks.