Relentless Tour; Southampton

Some people drink coffee. Some people drink tea. Some people are pretentious and drink some kind of infusion. Some people are deluded and drink a macrobiotic yoghurt. I drink energy drinks.

Not any energy drink; oh no. My energy poison of choice is Relentless Inferno. A delicious, orange-flavoured affair with a rich bouquet and layers of psychosomatic pep. I say "psychosomatic" for a very good reason. Each brand of Relentless (and Monster, and Rockstar) has the same amount of caffeine in, but only the orange one gives me the caffeine face-slap that gets my nose into a text editor and cranking out amazing websites for you all to buy stuff from.

Now, this may seem like some sort of crazy dream world. Granted, it's pretty good. However, there is a problem.

Relentless The Company, is fucking with me.

There are approximately some shops local to me. Literally a fraction of aforementioned shops have stocked or currently stock Relentless Inferno. The very local-est shop to me used to line their shelves, like a delightful energy palace, with Relentless Infernos. These shall be, henceforth, known as the good times. I could walk for 30 seconds (or run for 15 in the rain) to reach my aluminium energy grail every morning, make small talk with the assistant about the weather or how cool it must be to work from home and be on my merry way to making those websites you're all so desperate to use.

As I said; those were the good times. Soon, Relentless The Company saw what I was up to and decided it'd be fun to mess with me. As some bespectacled executive wised up to my purchasing habits, he began to envisage a world where he became the puppet-master to the marionette theatre that is my quest for energy drinks in the morning. He hatched a plan to dry up my Relentless Inferno energy well, just to see what would I would do. What a dick.

After trying to kid myself that Yellow Monster was good enough for too long, I decided to expand my search. The Newsagent had recently opened and its shelves were lined with promise. A huge section of Relentless Inferno awaited me. Soon, though, The Newsagent's stock began to dwindle and the dickhead Relentless man won't send any more supplies.

Now I walk for a mile round-trip to get my energy fill in the morning, and this shop (as of this morning) only has one Relentless Inferno left. I will have run out of sources, and I will have run out of Relentless Infernos.

My concern is this; that Relentless The Company are going to stop making my beverage. They're expecting me to drink the other inferior flavours of drink before they send back the good stuff. Well, let me tell you something, Relentless The Company, I won't drink fucking Brown Flavour. I won't have Snot Green Flavour, either. The Red Flavour goes flat way too quickly, and don't even think you're going to tempt me with Anti-freeze Blue Flavour. I bet it's not blueberry flavour at all. I'll go back to Yellow Rockstar if I have to.

I want the orange flavour. It's the best flavour of all the flavours you do, so why won't you send more? I've depleted the stock of three whole shops in as many months. I'm more than representing myself, so why are you holding out on me?! I've got money, I don't expect freebies. Just make sure my local shops (Medina Stores, Shirley, Southampton; The Newsagent, Shirley, Southampton) are stocked with the Relentless Infernos and we won't have a problem.

We aren't going to have a problem, are we?

If you work for Relentless The Company, and want to send me some Relentless Infernos for the inconvenience, or maybe you want to hook me up with a direct account so we don't end up in this mess again, email me and let's get this thing sorted. Ball's in your court, guys

Thanks to Dan for the title idea. My original idea was way contrived