The way my brain handles and compartmentalises anxiety makes me a walking, self-sabotaging anxiety factory.

This year I've been helping Sussex Badminton Juniors organise courts for their matches. This is everything I hate in a task - it's time-sensitive, there's money involved, there's many people's time involved. It's totally wrong for me, but I was asked and I am pathologically incapable of saying no to things I could do. I even try on a regular basis and I just can't do it - I always end up acceding.

Two fixtures for this season have been driving me up the wall. I've lost sleep. Last night I was Googling badminton courts in Hampshire for a fixture that I just have not been able to place, because I couldn't sleep worrying about it.

Today I've been phoning around every open tab on my phone, and finally managed to find somewhere with availability for the date I need, got it booked and it's all sorted. And immediately my brain says "don't know what you were worrying about - it's all fine". Why am I like that? I have none of that visceral fear that I had two hours ago; that I'm a total failure. It all just evaporated immediately. I get how compartmentalising can be good for self-preservation, but at least leave me some residual memory to protect me from repeating my mistakes!

Having a puppy is bonkers. Why do they learn everything you wish they wouldn't immediately, but things you want them to learn take forever?! I gave Forest a treat before bed to get him into his crate three nights ago, and every night since then he thinks there's something delicious in my hand. But trying to get him to pee outside has taken two weeks! Dogs are annoying.

I'm done with social media. I may live to regret it, but I've deleted my Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and Bluesky (don't think I ever opened it once!). It's all such a manipulative time-sink, and I'm just done with it. Feels weird, but good.

I've been a moderate fan of Death Cab for Cutie for a long time; have always said that I could make one great record of tracks I select from each of their albums. I prefer The Postal Service.

This week, I'm not really sure why I say that. I've been going back through their discography because Summer Skin got stuck in my head and these records (Plans, Transatlanticism, Narrow Stairs, so far) are all total gems. Why have I spent so many years thinking these records only have four tracks? I'm annoyed with myself but there must be a reason.

It's true that there's some incredible standout tracks; Transatlanticism, in particular, has "We Looked Like Giants" which has a vocal melody that makes me want to do a little cry. It also has what sounds like a super smart rhyme - "we looked like giants / in the back of my grey sub-compact / fumbling to make contact" that reminds me of "even the sturgeon and the ray / get the urge and start to play" (which, I think, is my favourite rhyme ever). These are all brilliant records, though, and I feel remiss for having sold them short for so long.

Still I have some nice stuff to listen to so weirdly feels like I'm being rewarded for being stupid.

Also I know I'm terrible at writing about music. Once upon a time I thought I could be a music reviewer; wrote one review and gave up. I am bad at that but I still love music and talking about it and I have nowhere else to do that!

Two things that stress me out are dates and deadlines. So it makes sense for me to volunteer to coordinate all of the fixture dates for Sussex Junior Badminton, which has a deadline and I feel like results in a lot of people aiming grumpiness at me if I do a bad job.