YOU HAVE A WOMAN'S HANDS, MILORD

I'd wager those dainty pinkies never weighed anchor in a storm!

I also have a woman's arms - men don't get infections when they accidentally stab themselves with tree branches, they get super powers. Imagine if the Spiderman were real, Peter Parker would've just died and they'd have to close the museum, Peter's grandmother and grandfather would've killed themselves, MJ and Harry would've had sex on Peter's corpse as spider babies crawled out of his nose. It would've been terrible. I'd have still watched.