If you rock the faux-hawk, you don't rock at all

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, but they can sure talk like they might. Dreads on white guys, in some circles, is a pretty big no-no. Therefore, it stands to reason (the justification, I'll never truly understand) that white, ginger guys should be shot on sight for the offence. I don't know why this is, but I know it is, so I'm ready for that.

With that pretty hefty disclaimer out of the way, unfortunately, your appearance says a lot about you. Stuff like your hair style, clothes, piercings, tattoos are all things you choose and even if you don't care what they're saying, they still speak volumes about the sort of person you are.

Now, take the worst fucking hair style in the world; the faux-hawk. This hair style says you like the thought of being a little alternative, but don't have the balls to take a razor to your head. Not only is it obvious that you're just a guy with normal hair, but it's also obvious that you just combed it up to a point and gelled it into oblivion. This is not committing to an image choice, it's tentatively suggesting that you might like Biffy Clyro's new stuff, or you heard the Arctic Monkeys when they were only on myspace. Like it or not, the way you look cements a first impression, and "fuck, that guy looks weird!" is a much more positive response to your existence than "fuck, that guy would be pretty hardcore if he had some balls!".

If I know you, and you have a faux-hawk, I've always hated it about you and wished you had a better hair style. We will never be best friends. That's almost definitely ok with you, but I'm offended by your lack of spine every time I have to look at you. You might not think I look great, but that's ok; you've got a faux-hawk.